New Jersey Voters Reportedly ‘Confused’ and ‘Frightened’ by Having to Actually Choose Between Political Candidates

New Jersey: What Exit? — Sources across the Garden State report widespread panic and bewilderment this week as New Jersey voters find themselves in the unprecedented and terrifying position of having to make an actual decision about who they want to govern them.

The chaos began after a court ruling last year dismantled the state’s beloved tradition of having party bosses simply point at their favorite candidate and declare them the winner before anyone had to think too hard about democracy.

“I don’t understand what’s happening,” said Bethany Jane Kowalski of Woodbridge, clutching a sample ballot with visible trembling. “There are six names here. Six! How am I supposed to know which one the important people want me to pick? Where are the instructions?”

The confusion has left many…